The year end is coming. There is muych to say about this year. There is lots of drastical change which experienced by me this year. From working to going to university then having my first love. This is all are awesome. This year is playing an important moment too to me. However it is not totally a lucky year. But anyway I have pass this year too, and i have reach 20th.

This year, especially recently i was giving a great exposure about my lifestyle, especially my love life. It is ironic, really. I dont know how to share much about this but i can tell that i am back to single again, and the girl i have long chase before is no longer available for me anymore. I fell like i like a shit. A dumped shit. Maybe i was never granted to have these love matter after all. I have tired. I dont want to touch this thing anymore. This is a horrible experience. I keep my real personality a lot for this matter.

The Christmas is just passby. And passing the Gurney drive, i see lots of couple. And i saw lots of couple hangging around. And looking back to my love life, it is like a contrast. I once want to be part of them. But it is impossible maybe. Maybe i can called myself kia shu (afraid to lost). But talking about love. I am loyal. However I am not good, and probably ugly, or i am ugly.

Lord give me such exposure. He want to send me a message that this is what He called love. When you turned out to keep thinking of somebody, you miss her. And that's the same way He miss me, and every precious vessel on His hand. He want to tell me about this. He want me to know what is He thinking right now, that is want me to know what is " love Him". "Love Him" also include " Miss Him". Missing Him and eagering to hear Him and see Him. He always serve me quietly, and want me to serve to other people, and that's the gospel He preach to me. Living a Church life is not easy. That's why i seldom live that life. But now, I just want a quiet life, which doesnt eagering for lust or self righteousness anymore. I just want back to the church life again.

I dont want to think about those love matters anymore. They are not real to me after all...

And by the way, I don't celebrate any Christmas, because the Bible never say anything about Christmas, not to mention the birth of Christ at 25th Dec. And what's more, the Bible didn't tell us to remember His incarnation, but remember His death and resurrection =) And that what's Lord's Table meeting talking about in every Lord's day. (But i didn't attend lately =.=)