Hi i now is already at kl, and to be honest Mr. Diary I dont have a feel to coming back yet, and what worse is that i am actualy driving back@@. Anyway tomorrow i need to wake up damn early, i dont have any energy left to do something further, so i think i choose to make short here, i feel like miss home nw@@( And ohya, welcome back my 4MG Streamyx =) =) ) Welcome back kl again, and i go sleep nw. Night @@

Worry...

Hi Mr. Diary, I start to worry this problem, is this blog publicity start to grow up? I have left this blog unwritten anything for past few months. And just i started to write my blog again continuously and i suddenly gain more publicity again? Sounds like impossible phenomenon, coz it is impossible for my friend to sense that i love to write blog again. And when this cases comes up, it is better to lock u up to become a personal blog to me, without sharing to anyone anymore. But blog suppose to be somewhere i put out my happiness and sadness and joy. I wish my friend know how happy am i, how sad am i, or how stressful am i. I not a person who love to hide myself away from anything....

Since this blog publicity is increasing, i think i should control even strict guideline on my post from now on. But anyway, i not afraid to say about myself, i dont like hiding from my friends. But i also dont like publicity. Being balance within this guideline is hard, but i will only achieve my best of best. No trying.

And talking about robotic again, i really feel happy and stressful, coz i was entrusted to the secretary post at robocon team. I never take this post before and to be honest, i afraid i cant handle to their statisfaction. But i have take the responsibility to take this post again even i know how i feel. From the most bottom of the heart i know that it is time for me to take up some responsibilty for my age now. Think like a mature 21 years old university student, and do like it. I will start look through the net finding the possible responsibility about this post, and hope for any advice too Mr. Diary....... ( P.S, Tom, any rough idea?? ><)

ANGRY

All right the 1st thing that really fire me up this morning. Really fired up i mean, that someone can put my name wrongly from auto2 into auto1. I know i didnt contributing anything yet, but isn't be that angry when someone never tell me about the meeting started at short semester and later then like :" oh i suddenly i remember raymond because my hand is not enough." and then put me in auto 2 without let me do anything, and later a few weeks later maybe because of forget my existance, suddenly forget where am i belong to and simply just put my name into auto 1?? Without even asking me if dunno anything?? Now i really fed up!

Now that's it, i am going to start the robotic blog i planned for long time. Dont think that I am someone like I dont know anything about robotic. I am once the jit sin student who was once reject UTM mechatronic and MMU mechanical. If I make a change that time I might be one of the UTM or MMU robocon member. Dont take me as someone that easy. My ability proven i can learn anything i want.

Hey Mr. Diary, i finally propose me to get the secetary post in robocon! I feel so excited for having things to do already! But they havent decide yet. But at least i tried, so i have no regret. I think i need to start to find the resources about secetary post di on the net. Now i just arrive home at 5am morning, and have a sleep till 11am coz of ning sudden call from USA @@

Ohya i have an idea pop up on my mind, really serious matter Mr. diary, I want to start a new blog concerning the robotic stuff for my own, and share my learning and ideas on it. Through this i hope that i can share the knowledge with others, and hope learn from ohers in return. I think this is sounds like a great idea, but i afraid that i will going to left this blog blank. Maybe i still like to chat with u the way like this Mr. Diary ahaha. Maybe after a little short while?? =)

Ok so later i maybe or NOT maybe i will go out. They still undertermine whether wan come out or not! lolz! Chee liang will back to kl tonight, Hope i can meet him somehow.

ROBOCON

Hi mr diary, now my feel is full with tiredness, but full with strength and fire. I just passby UTM Robocon website, and i was really fully inspired by them again, their activity involved, their vision and mission, it is just like a fired up team! =0 Sometimes i really did regret why i reject UTM offer letter in the first place, talking about robocon, it is dramatic and full of energy! Notting other than that, robocon is thrilling! ( But i also already know that they have finished the game field and talking about the money they throw and spend! @@)

And ohya after i coming back i go do some research about the line following robot stuff, and i found out that the advice given by the website is useful, and i think i understand the best method for line following by just a snap! But what really suprise me, UTM is one of the institute which does not apply line following method on their robot! @@ I really dont know what else can they apply on navigate the direction. After that, i was too tired to read further, and really is keep my eye close. I think i continue tomorrow morning

And talk about tomorrow, i will passby the cabin for further discussion about the game plan. And to be honest Mr. Diary, i finally tell someone about my problem in the club, and he started noted. His advice to me and comfortation really make me warm again. I cant find a better describtion to tell my eagerness to join the robocon stuff. I feel like much energetic again! I will do all i can to the club, and hope i can learn and do it better this time! Gambatte!

Hi Mr Diary, I just reach kl here, and without rest i rush to the cabin. And no thanks to the delay train again! But luckily i reach there finally in time, so i didnt need to miss anything on the activity..

Well my eye now is already want to close down already, maybe because i feel tired about all happen today. And what really make me dissapoint is that tomorrow and coming thursday i didnt have activity to the workshop. So wed and thur i am totally free, wtf? If not that i was agreed to discuss in the join discussion about new design with senior menbers, i will straight go home, and i swear i will NEVER JOIN ANY KIND OF ROBOTIC EVENT ANYMORE. This dissapointment is really come from my heart. I actually have most of the resources of the robotic production, i just need time to scratch myself will do. So theoritically i can learn robotic knowledge myself from now on. I no need to make myself so hard and susah everytime i join the robotic event. I am really low profile about my other ability, but talking about self learning, i always full of confidence as this skills is just like myself. But i choose to keep going there because i still love robotic, now i really pull my dad's nerve, he never want me to come back kl so early. I should never let him know that i come here without known that i was left notting to do for rest 2 days and assumed as KEPO.

This is the moral i learnt for the day, EITHER I PULL ALL MYSELF ON IT, OR I QUIT. Later i will continue about the game planning as i agree. And decide whether i will stay at friday morning too. Mr. Diary this is really the 1st time i really dissapoint on something i always looking forward to. Please teach me what to do next. Or i really no longer sacrifice my time like that on this society again, i sure will join new clubs this coming sem. I want to get out of this sadness. So what should i do for these 2 days..? Hmm......

Mr Diary, today is a cold afternoon, with a great storm which is started at mid of 11am, and today my sis is undecided whether want to dye her hair or not. And because of her decision, i come and go the kampung baru pasar many times =.= ( And gt passby jie house few times...) But maybe she wan to decide more later, so i put her alone decide la.

Later midnight i will depart to kl for the robotic activity, and to be honest, i dont know what will i going to do when i reach there. I dont know what suprise i will get this time? Maybe like start the workshop and u just do just what i say? I dont know. I didnt have anything on them actually. Some of my friends say i actually wasting my time on doing something simple and easy at there. I dont care. I just love robotic. There is no 2nd robotic there. But I try to gain a place so they let me do more things, hope so.

Anyway i dont think that i want to come back to kl, actually. Because everything trouble will start at kl, and start to drive me nuts again. Assignment, test group stuff.... These are something i dont want to bother actually. And after that church meeting gathering, and bla bla. But I shouldnt be so afraid of being busy after all. I choose this road myself, and what more important, I shouldnt afraid facing people. Just a humble heart will do.

Dont know what am i going to said Mr. Diary, i think i will be quiet for a while, maybe till I start emo? But i dont want that happen again..

Hi Mr Diary, I just came back from kl train station to buy cny ticket, and yeap, I can feel that my holiday is passed by with a speed of light. I really try to grab the time properly, not to do something serious, but to do something like restig my soul and mind. Ifeel like 2010 has waste lots of my energy indeed. I feel like wacation, even is at home, it is a statisfactory. I love to live at house like that, now everyday watching tv, listen to song, and having lots of nap at noon. I feel like heaven at home, feeling a rest after war in kl. And my soul is much rested, but later 4th Jan i need to head back to robotic activity again, i donno what are thay plan to this time, but i am going to stay at kl for 3 more day. Because i still love to enjoy at my home, my corner

I like to find somewhere no one is around, and leaving myself left blank and think notting, maybe this is my best meditation. So my sis is always called me a house boy, but no matter, she cant feel hw busy am i in kl. Really exhausting. Or maybe the way i control my exhaustion is not proper enough? Anyway this is the problem i need to look through about it.

Like i mention, i already feel a new year fresh air, even i have already ave a fresh taste about wearing clothes already! And really i feel that maybe i need to start to enjoy reading, i always feel that reading is a burden to myself, i dont know can i go buy an ipad or not? But maybe not now, ipad is expensive, seriously! And what is the notable change this year? Yeap, no more shopping to me anymore! Uhuh yeap! I have pass these golden triangle too much and enough for me! And seriously i am lazy to go out already! Taste the feel that everyday go sit LRT just to go play and date? Well these days are far over! And i am not going anywhere this time! I will always stay at hostel and feel the taste of houseboy. No more shopping for me again! I already having a phobia on it already!

And what's i need to look through about myself this year? Yeap, attitude. And some arrangement of friend relationships, i always feels that i am not done enough. Maybe i need go get down to it and look through my feel. Maybe i did not go look through them enough. I afraid to keep myself a close distance wit them, and therefore fail to establish a close communication with them. I need to allocate the time for friendship too. But still that, I am lazy to go around KL anymore! No more shopping and hanging around of the area, i have sick of it.

I feel bad to myself, i love to make authority on somebody, i think this is something i need to change, i need to be humble, but not afraid of people but God. Afraid no people, this homework i still need to done more often, and it is not easy as it sometimes will lead to disregard other people feel. I aim no God so I cant understand all my friends feel all the time, but with certain wisdom and cunderstanding, i try to avoid such problem. Anyway i understand myself, i try to get along perfectly with everyone, but sometimes i also need to look through myself too, i need to care about my feel. I shouldn't make myself too tired about my life. Maybe this is the reason I always feel tired at KL, i dont know how to reject other's offer. Maybe i should start to look through this problem more seriously.

But still that, i can write so much crap with u Mr Diary, because i still not as busy as i will going to experience at kl coming soon. A word for my future, hope I can make a rest on my mind, and stay healthy food always. Remember a good thinking and positive mind is come from a healthy routine, and this is all started by establishing a fixed day life cycle.

And there is something that need to be noted, u can be restful, but not delay or lazy. Lazy is never an excuse. U need to build up your image for a stronger authority among people. This is also a homework. Delay is a really bad habit. Be respectful on yourself, and start to behave, act as an adult among your friends. Let them feel your responsibility and capability. This is also important. Do look into the matter.

Starting to craping again Mr Diary, I feel like love to stay quiet after i reach to bm, the school is open at 17th Jan but i start to feel lazy already. I wish to stay at this holiday mood forever. But i should think like that, after all, i am still YOUNG! I am a energetic teen supposing. I shouldnt rest up my fired heart pernamently. But still importantly, be responsible, there is no homework more important than this. And yeap, these are the advice i give myself in the future, hope i can look into it in future.

Happy new year Mr. Diary. It seems fast as the time flies by, and now it is the start of 2011, and i must admit the time passes is fast. I just having fun time going out with kwan jou and lip hong, and it is really a fun time going places like queensbay. I having car show, looking at the concert, and the mount of clothes i bought. And guess what, i dare to try new things which i dare not to do before. I now like to buy jeans, wearing the clothes with cube, and the collar shirts! These are not my prefer, or my favourite before haha!

Anyway new year new change, i start to breath like a new air( Well maybe i smell my aweful smell more than anything else.. Its 2.10am morning and i havent take a shower for a day! ) Anyway i not writing the diary at the software diary, as i want to share something public here. And yeap, i am making a DECLARATION, for my future and for myself.

As my friends suggest:" You are already 21 and a university student, and so MAKE like one" After f6 graduration i have undergo various problems and i overcome it step by step. And start to think about it, it is quite a number!

1.
I start to worry what course should i take, and what course. I pick utar mechanical, and obviously it is not an easy choice, I was offered UTM and MMU, and whole ppl in the world criticized my choice, and i pick mechatronic, which is criticized by my dad. I having a big dilemma to pick.

And yet, when i come to utar, i found out that i was NOTTING, yeap notting. because i see people with same age of mine have enter year 2 already, and they know much more than me when talking about engineering. And when i enter Robotic society, i found out that They know programming, electronics in a seroius way, and even CNC! Talking about workshop and design, it is all about EXPERIENCE, Skills and inteligence. I dont have one. And obviously i feel like i was a ppl who left behind to do small things, small duty, by sacrifising lots of my entertainment time. This is also a big struggle for me. I see a lot, really a lot.

So what to do? I use my brain. That's all. I cannot let the inteligence come itself. I need to find everything myself. I find video tutorial how to use solidworks, how to operate lathe, ebooks, and download it. I learn in serious way, especially no one beside u and u need lots of dedications. I find the software myself, no matter how big the Gig is the file, i download, find the resource, and start to think critically, other people will find out that the things i am learning right now to them is easy, but not to me. I scratch myself, notting is learnt before in my life. I study mechanical parts design concept, basic chemical engineer calculation, automobile, electronics, PIC programming with C, and robot sensors. I must know how to use Google Skectchup, Solidworks, Autodesk inventor, Catia, Nx7.5, Hysis( Yet to install sucessfully),MikroC, PIC Stimulator, Mastercam X4, Circuitmaker and lots of useless software i download and yet to discover their purpose. I need to filter all these infomation and take out the useless one. All i just learn little by little. I not specific in anything, so i try to specifies in certain area. I am now working on it. And that's what i mean, you need a great discipline and dedications to learn something which is not in your syllibas. Really a big dedications Mr. Diary......

2.
Another thing i have learnt is confidence. Talking about confidence, it is about responsibility Mr. Diary. Notting much i have accomplished is try to working to consider my decision made is confident. The first crime i comitted in this error is my first love, jie. I really sorry whenever i remind about the time in f6, I am not confident to love her. Because she is a perfect girl to me and i always shy away from her. I am not confident to myself. During the time she fainted in the exam hall, i suppose be the first one visit her. I walked to the ward room with full of worried. Then Wei appeared behind me, and his message is clear, that is" We must go in that wardroom together, not just you." Obviously i can be confidence and go with him together, but in the last minute, i pulled myself away, and only him is entering into the ward. I afraid, that the atmosphere will become nasty if we enter together, and afraid again, she will choose him, not me.

And because of that since then Mr Diary, he and she become official, and i was crying everyday, every single night. No one is conforting me when i crying in my blanket every night. Everyday going to school is going to hell. I skipped class very often, go to library, go to toilet, or even go to my car. Wherever nobody around, i cry, I regret, yes that is what i feeled, i regret. It take me lots of courage and patiences to pass these horror moment. IT TAKES MORE THAN A COURAGE OF A LION TO SMILE IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY LOVE ONE WHEN SHE IS APPEARED TO GRABBING THE OTHER MAN'S HAND IN FRONT OF YOU. Live a life everyday repeatly for a half year is not easy Mr. Diary, but that time I havent met you yet Mr. Diary.....If Alviss Kong died for his stupid reason, i have 10000 more reasons than him to end my life. But i like her, wait her that time even though i feel hopeless and helpless. And that is my dedication. So why i so remember of my f6 life every single day? because i love her. I have experience and understand what is love, and what it takes to have it, and yes, it is CONFIDENCE. You confidence that you love her, so you have the courage to take the RESPONSIBILITY. You know your own worries, and these worries are the good reason for you to take such responsibilty, because u aware and u can make the responce just like you aware these worries.

So i am trying to make a DEDICATIONS here, I am serious with it Mr. Diary

1. I again give myself to Lord. I hope i can be trained again by His hand. I should have letgo my personal time to Him. I want to be trained under His hand, and recover the Church life, I want to have the feel like I have experienced in Penang about Church life, i want to instill in KL. I really need your guidance Lord. I need you to lead me again Lord. I make my testimonial here. I love you Lord. I will not use my own laziness and business as excuse Lord. I am dedicated to you. I hope my time with you is not a waste. That's all i hope.

2. I want to let go the past sadness which i have hang on my shoulder for nearly 3 years, and my love to her nearly 4 years. I know i am waiting for her for long time, but the important part is SHE DON'T KNOW. I miss her every day in these years, and dreaming about her in sweet dream, hoping for a meet with her for whole dream and life, but again she dont know. My tears to her can be a bucket of water, but she dont know. She dont know because i never tell her, and never tell her how much i love her. But i have no chance to say that again since i last saw her in 2009 may. I shouldn't keep hanging up this burden on me. It is time for me to let go. She is a wonderful dream for me in the past. It is sweet and i like really much with her...But I want to make a change this year. I am letting this matter go away from my mind. I want to make a dedication, that i wont again lived in pass again and again. I should start to live a new life, and yes, i wont have any girlfriend from now on. Although the feel of having of girlfriend is nice. But i want to put my mind on only 3 matters, that is : homework, Lord and robotic activites. I have my own struggle right now and i am having a war all the times. I believe in my capability and dedication.

Now is time 3.04am morning di. It is late di. I gonna sleep di. Good night Mr. Diary.... Happy new year Mr Diary... And Ning, I love u. In my uni life, you are my first love, you make me feel what is love and what it takes to love a ppl. You accompany me go through this hardship of 2010, and you keep me company so i am not alone all the time. You show me that I am your true love, but sorry that i keep break your heart. And finally one day i fall in love with you. I am never ready in the marriage, and the reply make you dissapoint and keep me a distance away since then. I really feed bad about this case every night, because i did love u. Now you are somewhere where my hand no longer can reach to you... I miss the moment with you. I miss korean food with you, I miss you bite me, I miss you scratch my hand. and i miss your hug, a big hug.... And your laugh. I always says, your laugh is the prettiest of all. You love to laugh, and happy and charming girl. You feeled pressure and cried, my heart sinks. My heart is no longer in love with any girls, even though u will break up with me. I will only start my own life, a military life that i always wanted to challange...... I want to study MIT and go find u.